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January 12, 2013

My Banter from the Past ( 2012) - Part 2

As is the custom publishing my writings from the past 6 months that I had posted on FB. US Presidential elections, Anti Corruption protests, Olympics London 2012 , and the humiliating defeat in cricket at the hands of the English team features heavily.
Just ONE measure to expose, what is wrong with the HUMAN RACE ----- While one half of human kind suffers from acute HUNGER, the other half suffers from grave OBESITY !!
China's domination at the Olympics was evident on the very first day with 6 Gold medals. But I have made some fascinating observation -- China does spectacularly well in individual sports , and therefore take a massive haul of medals at the Olympics, where most disciplines are individual like gymnastics, swimming/ diving . But when it comes to team sports - Hockey, football , basketball, cricket, barring Volleyball they have not been very successful !!! I am not drawing any inferences, but it surely is an intriguing observation !!
In defense of Cricket ------- Every 4 years as Olympics pass us by --- many of us feel disgraced at our abysmal performance in all other sports, barring cricket. But I feel that is a bit harsh judgement ! Because for most of our childhood , cricket was probably the only team sport that you could play in the small alleys and by lanes (galli) that are a hall mark of our cities, required zero facilities to play, it was the only sport that needed very little investment (a bat & ball) and it could accommodate large number of children. Our economic heft was limited, there were very few swimming pools, track fields.. so for many generations.. playing cricket become the only sport they could play in their youth. I think its time we realized that cricket for us is more akin to ANTAKSHARI .. a cultural heritage .. we are the only nation where such an sport is played in every nook & corner of the country, from a 5 year to a 50 year !! Its a myth Cricket is not sport but religion in India , because Cricket is our Cultural heritage , legacy of the way India has evolved

British Government ordered military personnel to fill the empty seats at the Olympic venues, when the empty seats issue surfaced last week. Now that London is complaining very low crowd turnout at all tourist destinations, the Government has decided to call in the military , the operation is code named “Crowded Street” . Reinforcements will be flown in from various RAF bases , troops will parachute in to central London on the weekend , to crowd the streets. Royal Navy will conduct its own amphibian operation in support of “Crowded Street” when 18 navy cruisers will dock at various locations across Thames , landing thousands of sailors on the street. hahahaahha
Cause I write neither out of self-pity or self-vanity but out of an acute sense of self-awareness !!
Life becomes LIBERATING , if you think of it as merely a journey without any particular destination !!
Only GOD can make you Intelligent, but only YOU can make yourself interesting !!
What an haunting melody .. get goosebumps every time I hear this song !! And emotionally speaking the song is eternal , age-agnostic, whether you are 16 year old teenager or 60 year old retiree , it will stir anyone' soul,, if they have a Soul, that is :-) !!
Humankind's worst Greek tragedy is that descendants of the people who were brought to the New World as SLAVES from Africa, are far better off today, than the people, who were left behind FREE in Africa !!!

Drama in court to determine who caused a SYSTEMS CRASH - business user or IT systems !! Murali defending his IT systems support team questions the user " Why did you get on that system when u were not supposed to ??". Business user dismissing it " I never used that system" !! Murali confronting the user " Then how did our FORENSIC ANALYSIS find your FINGERPRINTS on the keyboard ?? " !! hahahahhaha.
"I think you are wrong to want a heart. It makes most people unhappy. If you only knew it, you are in luck not to have a heart.”
“A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others”
"Heart wont be practical, till such time, that it is made unbreakable" !!
(Amazing Wisdom from L Frank Baun written 'Wizard of Oz', truly you can find something deeply meaningful even in the most nonsensical places like 'Munchkinland', the fictional place where the imaginary wizard resides )
Everyone wants to know the TRUTH, but very few have the COURAGE to handle it !
Guaranteed way to be happy is to keep such low expectations from life, that whatever happens, it always exceeds your expectations !! hahahhhaha
Almighty God came in my dream and declared " Son, you have a kind soul, I love you much and my blessings will make you an expert charioteer, able to drive your chariot of life , exceedingly well " ," But Son" the Supreme Being added " there is one clause, I need to warn you about, your circumstances will be such, that everytime you climb on the chariot, your one hand will be always tied to your back " ! "So shall it be written, so shall it be done "!! And the Divine evanesced !! Such is the life for millions , who live with an unfulfilled promise of their own potential, with one hand always tied behind their back !!
In a innovative strategy to counter the deep pockets of existing political parties a new political party " Politics Inc. " has filed a draft red herring application with BSE (Bombay Stock Exchange) towards an Initial Public Offering (IPO) to raise money to contest in the 2014 Lok Sabha elections. Politics Inc is hoping to issue 10 million shares for Rs.100 each , raising a billion rupees towards contesting for atleast 10 Lok Sabha seats . As per their prospectus, every Lok Sabha seat that they will win has a potential of earning atleast 5 billion rupees in bribes and kickbacks every year thus delivering a handsome return to investors. Their company vision statement reads " If the society cannot END corruption, than everyone should have the equal right to PARTAKE in it " !!!! hahahahahahha ( another of my imaginative stories, hope you like it)
It was so wondrous to hear this from Sakshi "You are my Best Friend, Dad " !! I hope she feels that way for the rest of my life !!
In a fortnight, I would be celebrating 18 years of an Odyssey, that began on 15th Oct 1994, when a 19 year old boy, boarded an evening bus from Baroda, to join L&T Cement works in Amreli, Saurashtra, as an Engineer. Whenever I look back on this 18 years, it reveals a panorama of 'a life' that has thrived, inspite of staggering odds, a life of heart-wrenching disappointments, but with equally mind-boggling miracles !! 18 years on .. the voyage of self-discovery continues....
October 1996 : Day long interview at Philips Regional HQ at Worli, for the position of Sales Officer. After the usual written test, group discussions and HR screening rounds, was shortlisted for the final panel interview round with Senior Managers. 40 mins into the interview, Mr. Nandkishore, Regional Manager, abruptly , offered a deal-- "Samir, we like you, however as you already have worked as Service Supervisor in Voltas for over 2 years, we can offer you a Officer position in our Service dept, but in case you are very particular about getting in the Sales team , you might have to join at a junior level, what would you like" . I did not take the bait & answered " I am passionate about sales, so whatever level you offer, but only in Sales" Gamble paid off, to my utter delight, 2 weeks later ,received an appointment letter for a position of SALES OFFICER and thus on 16th Dec 1996,
become one of the youngest sales officer (age 21) at Philips !!
To live an INSPIRED LIFE ..... is to be in TRUE LOVE !!
Always make a friend out of your colleague but never make a colleague out of your friend !!
Story of our lives -----
Some stories in life END, even BEFORE starting !!
While some NEVER end , INSPITE of having never started !!
Father put a status update: "With blessings from God, we are blessed with a baby boy " .. I felt like adding " And some HARD WORK from your side too" !!
How mind works --- share a breathtaking photograph you have taken with someone and the first thing they will inquire -- WHICH CAMERA DO YOU USE ?? hahhaahhah:-)

IBM is scheduled to ship, its recently launched super computer- Sequoia, to Transparency International INDIA CHAPTER, after it received an approval from US Dept. of Commerce. TI India chapter in a press release said " We are eagerly waiting to receive the shipment of this super computer , our current systems are unable to cope with such large volume of scams, rackets and swindles, currently being undertaken in India. After Sequoia , was successfully used by US Nuclear facility to carry out simulations to help extend the life of aging nuclear weapons, TI India chapter felt confident that it should be able to deal with such large number of scams being reported in India" ! But speculation is rife in the Media about how TI India chapter was able to afford such expensive technology and some are going to the extend of claiming that it was financed by tainted money !!! l!!  :-) ( my imagination at work on an dull Sunday)

Meditate on a 'flame of a lamp' , the wise sage preached;
But how can I ?
When the thoughts in my mind, travel faster than that Light !!
Most people misguidedly call, lack of Emotional Intelligence, as being STRAIGHT FORWARD !!
Allegations by 'India Against Corruption' movement has led to HONEST ' soul- searching' and retrospection, amongst political parties, about how they can PREVENT their SCAMS from being found out in the future. hhhahhahahah :-)
India, that INCREDIBLE country, where Idols and bricks (read places of worship) are astonishingly RICH, while most of its people are abjectly POOR !!
A broken heart is like the ' DROWNING MAN' and it will hold on with hope, any SMALL gesture done towards it , like a 'STRAW'. !!
(what a beautiful analogy , sometimes I astonish myself) :-)

I am an ETERNAL optimist, who has RECENTLY given up :-)  hahahahahahahahahha
Multi million corruption scandals in India, haven't gone unnoticed by the politicians in other countries. In fact it is widely believed that during the 2013 Uruguay round of the WTO (World Trade Organization), developed countries are going to demand India to open its POLITICAL MARKET, believed to be over 100 billion dollars in corruption opportunities, to FDI (Foreign Direct Investment). To this the Congress spokesperson retorted that ever since Sonia Gandhi assumed the Chairmanship of the Congress party, technically India is already open to FDI in Politics !! haha :-)
Every SOUL eventually DISCOVERS its own SONG !!!
Phew ... finally cleared what is rightly regarded as the toughest civilian driving license test in the world .. now I am a UK Driving License Holder !! Giving a driving test here is akin to participating in a reality contest , where you drive for an HOUR through the maze of streets that make up an typical English town, with the Driving Inspector seated next to you, making observations in his pad and at the end of the test ...his words can sound like that of  God in case you pass or that of Satan in case of failure. !!

Old Gujarati joke --- One Lady calls the police station and complains about a NAKED MAN standing in the balcony of the house opposite theirs. Police dispatch a constable to check out the nuisance of the NAKED MAN. On reaching the lady home , she makes the constable look out of the window, but he is unable to see any NAKED MAN !! Then the lady brings a small stool and makes him stand on it and asks him to look out of the ventilator opening above the window, still the constable is unable to see any thing !! Finally the lady urges the constable to peep out of the ventilator opening and turn his head extreme right. Sure enough after all this maneuvering he is able to see the NAKED MAN !! He climbs down from the stool and tells the lady " MADAM, IF YOU PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT, YOU CAN FIND THE WHOLE WORLD NAKED " !!! hahahahahah
What the AMERICAN CIVIL WAR could not accomplish , AMERICAN POLITICS have accomplished just that -- Divide the country right in the middle -- - Republicans vs Democrats -- 49% - 48% !!!
American Idol will welcome its most unusual contestant yet, when on Friday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney makes an appearance, he is slated to show his horse riding skills, while swinging the bayonet !! Not to be left behind , President Obama would also be making an appearance on another talent show 'American Got Talent' . Though show organizers are claiming that Obama might not show up like he did in the first presidential debate. With the US Presidential elections tied in a dead heat, both the campaigns are desperate to influence those 3% undecided voters -- and have claimed "desperate times need desperate measures" !! hahahahaha ..( my imagination all the way to US politics)

Better to have LOW potential, than to have HIGH potential and live a life, without FULFILLING it !!
Murali our affable IT Support manager, defending his team in regards to a database crash. Murali to the user -- " Our forensic analysis shows that the database crashed at 11:45 am yesterday because of cryptic data being entered by a user not because of any technical issue". User refuting the claim --" no way. because at the time of database crash, I was having lunch in the cafeteria. Murali -- looking straight into the eyes of the user " we have looked at the CCTV footage of the cafeteria from 11 to 12 , but you are not in it'. User "ohh sorry I just forgot, actually I had stepped out to eat at a restaurant on the high street" . Murali " we have looked at all the cards that were swiped going in & out of the building from 11 to 12 , your card is not amongst them" . User " ohh probably, I must have tailgated, I was very hungry and in a rush to eat" . Murali " So in that case you will certainly remember
which restaurant you visited and what you ate ? " User .. offcourse I went to Buon Cibo and ate a spinach & mushroom pizza ". Murali .... smiling , looking at the judge .. " my lord, it is not possible that the user was eating spinach & mushroom pizza at Buon Cibo at 11:45 yesterday , because first of all , Buon Cibo does not open for lunch till 12:30 and (pulling the menu card of the restaurant from his bag) they do not serve spinach & mushroom pizza.!! ( I go there every friday with the team !!) ". "That's all my lord ! The prosecution rests its case " hahahahahhah :-)

(Administrators -- people who liquidate assets of bankrupt companies / Undertakers - people who prepare the dead for burial or cremation)

Was living in Cleveland during the 2007 primary season for the Democratic party nomination , when Obama first came onto the national stage , I distinctly remember watching his steering speeches on CSPAN . Was living in Mexico, and remember being deeply moved by his victory speech at Grant Park , Chicago in 2008. Now here I am in UK watching his re-election victory speech in 2012 and still I am as inspired by it, as I was back in 2007 --- Hope & Change !!
Starting to ACCRUE the ECONOMIC benefits of losing HAIR , as the barber voluntarily gives me a 30% discount on a HAIRCUT, without even asking. hahahhahahahha
You can be SPIRITUAL, without being RELIGIOUS !! Because the world does not need more religion it needs more COMPASSION !!
Thank God ,they haven't yet started arresting people simply because of what they are thinking. otherwise we all would be in jail :-)
(Comment - on two being arrested for posting on FB after the death of Shiv Sena supremo - Bal Thackeray)
If Government is promoting FDI in Retail to IMPROVE efficiencies & productivity than shouldn't we all be demanding FDI in POLITICS too !! :-)
It is my belief in every DEFEAT lies the seed of future VICTORY !!
The India vs. England Test series has been upgraded from REVENGE series to TORTURE !! hahahhahah
Attended one of those hip & happening parties, more than 17 GORGEOUS WOMEN spoke to me. Each of them said the same thing " Excuse me" !!! Apparently I was blocking the way to the wash rooms !! hahahahhahahahahhaha
In 2010 , the original Tamil version of this song was performed in our process townhall at Chennai, by our collegues Khader Khan Mohammed Khan, Vinoth Vino, and Arvind .. they did such a melodious rendition of the song, that inspite of the fact that the only word in that entire Tamil song I understood was 'Hello' , the song stayed with me. Now every time I hear the equally beautifully written & performed Hindi version of the song, it takes me
back in time to my days in Chennai !!
ஏன் இதயம் உடைத்தாய் நோருங்கவே
என் மறிதயம் தருவேன் நீ உடைக்கவே
ஓஓ .... ஹோசன்ன ஹோசன்ன
ஓஓ .... ஹோசன்ன ஹோசன்ன
In 1955 , Rajnikant , as a 5 year old, had one BIG LOUD BURP. 10 years later, Radio Astronomers - Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson, working at the Holmdel Horn Antenna in New Jersey, discovered the COSMIC MICROWAVE BACKGROUND RADIATION , a low, steady, mysterious residual noise that persisted in space, was evenly spread over the sky, and was present day and night ! :-) hahah (Hope the humour is noticed .. my own small scientific contribution to the Universe of Rajni humour , in pure dedication to this beloved actor !!)
Several years ago I made a pact with myself to donate atleast 2 - 5 % of my net income to causes that resonated with me. Care for ' Physically and mentally handicapped children & Orphans' was always the closest to my heart, especially after my daughter was born. Used to visit Upkar-Sweekar - a non-profit hospital/ home for mentally / physically challenged children in Hyderabad almost every year to donate money and all the toys that Sakshi had outgrown. But in recent years I have got astray. As I travel to India for the holidays, hope to spread some Christmas cheer to those not as fortunate as me

India .. the worlds largest HYPOCRACY !!
We ONLY preach respect for Women ,without ever practicing it. Words are cheap, actions are NOT !!
(Comment -- after the horrific incident in Delhi)
" मेरे पास बंगला हे, गाड़ी हे , bank balance हे , तुम्हारे पास क्या हे ? "
 भाई "मेरे पास भी बंगला हे , गाड़ी हे, bank balance हे ,"
 फिर माँ MAA किसके पास हे !! hahhahahahahhaah
( heard it in Surat from a friend)

Lately , have u noticed , sleuths in CID (sony tv), how instead of using a safety holster to hold the revolver, they simply thrust the loaded revolver into their trousers, either in front or back. I always wondered, what if that gun had to misfire, while still in their trousers. It would make for an interesting episode of Grey's Anatomy or ER. hahahhahhaha

Record numbers of English fans are expected to travel to India for the ODI Series starting later this month. British tour operators are pitching this as "ONCE IN A LIFETIME" opportunity to see Indian cricket team being humiliated by the touring English side on Indian pitches !!  ... :-)
In the meanwhile , a London tabloid has published a list of explanations that Indians living in England could possibly peddle to get out of awkward conversation over the likely humiliations at the hands of the touring English cricket team. Top of that list " I do not follow cricket, I follow FOOTBALL "!! :-)
During my 3 day stay in Surat, I witnessed an remarkably story ----India, where people honk more than they speak , Ajit Upadhye, a committed "Swadhyaee" and firm believer in "charity begins at home", had sworn never to honk, unless absolutely necessary (to avoid an accident). And true to his ethos, during the 3 days he drove me around Surat, he NEVER honked even once, preferring to slow down, give way , keeping his calm always. Was truly impressed with this civil act of a good Samaritan.... I wish we all emulated him !!

If you are amongst the over 11 million Indians, who get INJURED each year, while trying to clean up, after relieving themselves ,in an traditional Indian toilet, on a moving INDIAN RAILWAYS train .. relief is on the way .. a small booklet published by the Railway staff college provides 10 suggestions for injury free toilet visit.  Step 1 --- Carry a mug hahahahahahhhahaha .. (other suggestions welcome )

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